I’m asking for it!

Why is it that we can’t go one day without being stared by random strangers?

Why is it that I can’t wear what I like “because it’s not safe out there”?

Why is it that the people who make it unsafe are not locked inside their homes after 7p.m?

Why is it that I get dress coded for wearing a tee that’s apparently cropped and that the authorities are obliging me by letting me even wear colourful clothes?

Why is that when we wear something showing skin we’re immediately “asking for it”?

People can sense my non-existent appeal and how I’m asking to be touched inappropriately,raped,stalked-the list goes on but they turn a deaf ear to things I actually am asking for.I wonder why that girl on her way to school was raped….Obviously, she was asking for it.

That woman in  burqa was asking for it.                                                                                           That child in the elevator who trusted you, she too was asking for it.                                       That 28 day old baby was definitely asking for it, how dare she be on her bed naked and expect not to be raped?

These cases are getting so common these days that people don’t even have a reaction and they’ve become numb because they’re so used to it, this is not right. The fire inside should keep burning and nothing, nothing at all should have the power to stop you from burning every obstacle down to ashes. It’s not just girls getting raped and molested,but men too. We must act fast,if not now when?

We have to make this society safe not by trimming the branches but by uprooting the main cause of it all- Teach the culprits a lesson instead of blaming the victim.

To walk the streets knowing that I’m safe,

Not having to call my rapist “bhaiya” to stop it from happening,

Having equal opportunities,

Not being judged for the clothes I wear,

Not being told to shut up when I voice my opinions,

Not having sharp objects inserted in me like a stuffed turkey!

To not being told to stay at home to be safe,

Not having random strangers staring and touching me,

To simply be safe and respected and not being denied of my fundamental rights.

Now that’s what I’m asking for!

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Nourish don’t punish!

“These flabs and stretchmarks just look horrid!”, I said to myself as I looked in the mirror.

What did she know about body positivity afterall she learns from what she sees, she treated the stack of fashion magazines like the bible.                                                           Most of us have stretchmarks and it’s nothing to be ashamed of or worth hiding.            We live in a world where most of the times skinny is beautiful and you’re not considered attractive or beautiful until your ribcage can be seen or there is a gap between your thighs. For god’s sake they’re your thighs not the goddamned twin towers! Curves ARE pretty.                                                                                                                                                    By saying this I don’t mean to offend skinny people or people with thigh gaps because that’s not the point , what I want to make clear is that EVERY BODY IS BEAUTIFUL and we should be comfortable in our own skin as we aim to achieve a healthy body.                         But you know what, as easy as that was to read and say it loud it’s actually not. When you look at yourself in the mirror and notice your body and fats and marks and your curves you slowly start hating yourself and the body you live in. It’s absolutely fine to exercise and diet to stay fit and healthy but not just to be thin and mindlessly lose weight.

People often used to tell me things like, “You’re quite pretty for a fat girl” but I always wondered why can’t I be both? Why can’t I be pretty and fat? Fat is not a bad word but it simply is a natural substance deposited under a layer of skin and around organs, our body needs fat but as they say  Excess of anything is harmful, same applies to this too. Excess fat leads to various diseases and obesity, that’s unhealthy!

Now, coming to the skinny people. I’ve noticed that skinny people aren’t spared either and are body shamed quite a lot of times too.It’s tough for them to accept their bodies as well, when they look at their reflection they don’t like what they see and I don’t blame them for that. Your body is YOURS and you get to choose what shape it is in as long as it doesn’t harm your health. Skinny people mostly get used to hearing things like flat or anorexic. You’ll need to understand that anorexia is a real body disorder that might’ve been caused by negative self image and trying to be perfect and being way too conscious about your body in a bad way. People also assume that it’s just the skinny people that can be anorexic. NO.

A person with anorexia has an intense fear of gaining weight or becoming fat, even when underweight. Fat people(yeah, I said fat people not because I couldn’t use any other words but because being called fat should not be offensive since its a description of one’s body the same way tall,short,dark,light,and thin are.)  can be anorexic too and it might not seem so just because they’re not as thin, people think one is anorexic only if he/she is skinny and their bones are visible.NO. That’s not how it works.

I remember when I was fat and people kept telling me to lose weight because its unhealthy and how I kept ignoring them and strutted away with a burger in one hand and a coke in another but realization hit me hard when I went shopping and literally couldn’t find anything that fits. That is one of the worst feelings ever. At first I had no idea how to lose all that weight and starved myself and didn’t eat anything that I thought would make me fat. It was almost like I was punishing my body, I then came back to my senses and opted the healthy way to lose that extra weight, within a year and a half I reached my goal weight . Many people are anorexic but don’t realize that they are.

What is anorexia? Anorexia nervosa, often referred to simply as anorexia, is an eating disorder characterized by a low weight , fear of gaining weight, a strong desire to be thin, and food restriction. Many people with anorexia see themselves as overweight even though they are in fact underweight.

But I also think that the clothing brands and fashion industry are at fault because they at times create an unattainable figure which kids and teens look up to and if a person goes to the plus section to get clothes the judgemental stares they receive are awful. Now times have changed, people have become more accepting and have started appreciating all body types.

It’s not just women and young girls that have body issues , men have them too. They are under constant pressure to have a great body and have muscles and crap and hit the gym, it’s fine if they’re doing it willingly and not under societal pressure, they’re expected to be strong built and have abs and so much more.

When we talk about body positivity it should not be aimed just at the female audience but at everyone. It’s great to workout and maintain a fit body but what I’m against is that people punish their body by not providing it with enough nutrients,fats being one of them too. We’re so conscious about our calorie intake that we forget that our body needs a certain amount of calories to continue working, having 1200 calories in fruits and veggies is much healthier than a 1200 cal Ice Cream sundae,that’s what my point is.

We can talk about it and tweet all we want but it won’t benefit anyone until we start applying what we preach in everyday life. #nourishdontpunish

Calm amidst chaos.

People. We are people, and its only natural for us create chaos and panic or stress over things. Whether you have a deadline at work or you’re waiting for your exam results, stress can come in any form and ruin your peace.                                                                      But it depends on us how well we contain this tornado in us or slowly let it out to other people and maintain our calm. As old as this may sound but its true, shake a bottle of carbonated water and a bottle of water, now place them both on a table. The bottle of carbonated water explodes when opened whereas the bottle of water remains exactly how it was before. Now before all of you start going haywire like,”Have you heard of CO2?”, “Go to school! It explodes because of the carbon dioxide present in it.”. I KNOW but have you heard of metaphors? If yes, great! If no, then just reread what is written again. It’s easy to lose control and get triggered and start overreacting over issues but maintaining your composure through all this is what takes efforts.

That’s how we should be, however bad things get outside it shouldn’t effect what goes on inside because it can make things worse. Every action doesn’t necessarily need an equal and opposite reaction sometimes all it needs is time to get things right.

There are many ways to maintain your cool but I’ve narrowed it down to 4 –

1- Slow down

Slow down your pace just to get back in the track and do better and stay focused. If you react in a chaotic situation it might just make it more worse leading you to lose focus of what you were doing for the first place.

2- Breathe

Proper breathing  gives us mental clarity and reduces our stress. It elevates our mood and gives us a positive feeling of relaxation and control. To stay calm in the midst of chaos means to take control of how we breathe and going from unconscious breaths to controlling the deep breaths.

3-Meditate

There are many types of meditation but one particularly involves focusing your attention on the present moment and on your breath. You can do whatever makes you calm ,like repeating phrases or focusing your mind on an object in the room, or on the flame of a candle. Two things necessary for this are-  A quiet environment and a point of focus.

4- Write

Write a lot, that’s what I do when I lose my temper and have to vent something.  There is just something amazingly relaxing about letting it all out on a page or simply even typing it out. There is scientific evidence that writing things down helps you to understand yourself and your thoughts and feelings, solve problems, minimize stress, and come up with solutions to disagreements.

Our mind is full of knots that only we can loosen and it depends on us whether we let the situations around us affect our mental stability and ruin our calm.                                      So now that you’ll know what to do in times like these and I guess have gained a bit of knowledge on this subject all I can say is Good Luck!

 

 

 

-R

Let’s talk about the D!

“Please stop, please stop…” I kept repeating to myself but it seems depression doesn’t work that way. Yes, depression. It may or may not be the D you expected but that’s what I’m going to write about. Most of us go through depression at least once in our lifetime but how many of us actually open up and talk about it? Not all. Having anxiety with depression is the icing on the cake, they go together like chocolate and ketchup, except, THEY DON’T.

Depression can be caused by a ton of reasons sometimes for no reason at all. One of the reasons can be the death of someone close, it’s not a good feeling when someone you love leaves you alone all of a sudden and the worst part is you don’t know how to react. People try to divert their minds by watching movies,hanging out with friends but you just cant forget a person all of a sudden.
How it feels to have depression? Imagine the monster you were afraid of being under the bed has now captured your mind and you’re just going down and the only thing you feel is worthless. Even though you’re not. People who have gone through depression feel like there’s no one to tell them that it’s going to be okay and to stay strong. No one.

I think its our fault that we’ve created an environment where people can’t talk about how they’re feeling without being judged.

Having depression and anxiety together is like having 2 teams playing tug of war in your mind and all you want to do is cut that rope and make all of it stop. But it doesn’t. It’s like fighting a battle you can’t win, but you can. Your anxiety makes you feel that all the eyes in the room are on you,judging you and you have to be a person that people accept. You start seeing yourself in third person and start judging yourself.
Depression is not exactly same, sometimes you just couldn’t care less about what they’re thinking and all you want to do is stay alone and on some days what they say keeps playing like a stuck record in your head over and over and over again.. Staying alone with your thoughts is one of the worst things that can happen but you do it anyway. It feels like your body is the soul and the earth is your body and when you drift away there is no one to stop you, no one to care enough to bring you back and help you out. They just watch and watch until they find someone else to ruin. When you wake up in the middle of night sweating and the phrase “heart in your mouth” gets real where you can hear your hear pounding and its beats are the only music your ear listens. All the logic in this world won’t keep your heart from hammering in its chest.

There are many of you out there who suffer from social anxiety. Just because you speak in public with a mic confidently doesn’t mean you don’t go through social anxiety. Having many friends doesn’t prove that either. Having social anxiety is the fear and anxiety of being negatively judged and evaluated by other people. Whereas,in real those people really don’ care and just go about their everyday lives, but your mind just doesnt get that.

People tell us to love ourselves but they themselves don’t, they tell us to be proud of who we are but they themselves are not. But not all people are like that, help is just a phone call or a conversation away. Whenever you feel anxious(not just exam anxiety) make sure to breathe . If you know anyone going through depression ,”Just forget it.” , “Bahar ja sab theek ho jayega”, don’t say any of these phrases ,they DON’T help at all. We must treat depression the way we would treat Cancer or any other illness and should not waste time ignoring it.

We should look at the people around us and see whether they need help or not. Stay aware,be nice.

 

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-R

Let’s get offended.

I come from a country where people(some) find  reasons to get offended and if they don’t find one they’ll start getting offended by ridiculous things. Recently, as many of you’ll know that the CEO of Snapchat allegedly called India poor. There is a reason why the word “allegedly” is highlighted yet some of us failed to get that and made this a big deal and went ahead abusing and threatening the CEO-Evan Spiegel. Also, this is an allegation by an ex-employee, we being the people who love our country to a great extent started trending “#boycottsnapchat” and made memes about it ’cause why not?

Without doing the fact check most Indians pounced on him like a wild hound and left no stone unturned to make the situation worse. People went ahead and rated the app 1 star on the play store. This is petty. We as a nation should not waste our nationalism on something that might not even be real. What happens to this nationalism when we need it. The most people do when a person is raped is start protesting and lighting candles.Thats it. Things go back to normal and we continue repeating the same mistakes, notice how I said a person and not a girl because guys are raped too.

Coming back to Indian’s getting offended, we’ve all noticed that people are quite intolerant and can get offended by literally anything. Remember how people were offended by the AIB roast and Tanmay Bhat’s Sachin-Lata snapchat videos recieved so much backlash. They tend to get offended by a tweet, A TWEET! One such tweet by Sonu Nigam created a chaos and Katy Perry wasn’t spared either , recently she shared a picture of Goddess Kali displaying her “current mood”. I think its high time we stop getting offended by little things and take this in good humour instead of spewing all our nationalism over nothing.Be happy, stay aware.

-R

Why I started this blog.

It will please some of you to know that I almost titled this article ‘How you doing, Byotch?’ it will please the rest of you to know that I then realized not everyone will get that reference and some intolerant people might even get offended so i decided against it.

There isn’t a story as such behind why I started blogging but a reason I must say, I’ve always wondered what it feels like to go on the internet and let your mind and heart throw up and let everyone know. I used to maintain a journal before but I believe I have a handwriting that many people don’t understand and find unreadable, I am one of those many people.

Also, it takes a lot more effort to physically hold a pen and write, and one must “save trees” so I’m better off without a journal/diary made of paper. Blogging is a great way to write stuff virtually and share it with people with similar mindsets and interests and if even one sentence written here changes something for good then I couldn’t be happier.

I have been wanting to blog since years but I wasn’t quite sure,now I am. Today I woke up and thought, “This is it, I gotta do this now.” and here I am. I wont make this long and end it here. I hope you’ll don’t have a great day but instead Make a great day!

-R