“Please stop, please stop…” I kept repeating to myself but it seems depression doesn’t work that way. Yes, depression. It many or may not be the D you expected but that’s what I’m going to write about. Most of us go through depression at least once in our lifetime but how many of us actually open up and talk about it? Not all. Having anxiety with depression is the icing on the cake, they go together like chocolate and ketchup, except, THEY DON’T.
Depression can be caused by a ton of reasons sometimes for no reason at all. One of the reasons can be the death of someone close, it’s not a good feeling when someone you love leaves you alone all of a sudden and the worst part is you don’t know how to react. People try to divert their minds by watching movies,hanging out with friends but you just cant forget a person all of a sudden.
How it feels to have depression? Imagine the monster you were afraid of being under the bed has now captured your mind and you’re just going down and the only thing you feel is worthless. Even though you’re not. People who have gone through depression feel like there’s no one to tell them that it’s going to be okay and to stay strong. No one.
I think its our fault that we’ve created an environment where people can’t talk about how they’re feeling without being judged.
Having depression and anxiety together is like having 2 teams playing tug of war in your mind and all you want to do is cut that rope and make all of it stop. But it doesn’t. It’s like fighting a battle you can’t win, but you can. Your anxiety makes you feel that all the eyes in the room are on you,judging you and you have to be a person that people accept. You start seeing yourself in third person and start judging yourself.
Depression is not exactly same, sometimes you just couldn’t care less about what they’re thinking and all you want to do is stay alone and on some days what they say keeps playing like a stuck record in your head over and over and over again.. Staying alone with your thoughts is one of the worst things that can happen but you do it anyway. It feels like your body is the soul and the earth is your body and when you drift away there is no one to stop you, no one to care enough to bring you back and help you out. They just watch and watch until they find someone else to ruin. When you wake up in the middle of night sweating and the phrase “heart in your mouth” gets real where you can hear your hear pounding and its beats are the only music your ear listens. All the logic in this world won’t keep your heart from hammering in its chest.
There are many of you out there who suffer from social anxiety. Just because you speak in public with a mic confidently doesn’t mean you don’t go through social anxiety. Having many friends doesn’t prove that either. Having social anxiety is the fear and anxiety of being negatively judged and evaluated by other people. Whereas,in real those people really don’ care and just go about their everyday lives, but your mind just doesnt get that.
People tell us to love ourselves but they themselves don’t, they tell us to be proud of who we are but they themselves are not. But not all people are like that, help is just a phone call or a conversation away. Whenever you feel anxious(not just exam anxiety) make sure to breathe . If you know anyone going through depression ,”Just forget it.” , “Bahar ja sab theek ho jayega”, don’t say any of these phrases ,they DON’T help at all. We must treat depression the way we would treat Cancer or any other illness and should not waste time ignoring it.
We should look at the people around us and see whether they need help or not. Stay aware,be nice.
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